Speaking of which...

This is still to all of you jackass tourists: The Great and Omniscient WikiKarmel spotted your Queen yesterday. I was on my way home from work and this woman got on at the Smithsonian stop (during rush hour....). This woman was the visual epitome of all that is evil. We'll start from the bottom up:

• She was wearing white sneakers. And this is not the stylish kind of white sneakers. More like the dorky old man (which I totally hope to become one day....when I'm a dorky old man- not a 40 year old woman) kind.
• She had on tapered light colored jeans. Like the kind people wore in 1992. Hiked up high with white socks on underneath them.
• She was wearing a Disney World sweatshirt that was huge on her. Did not fit at all. Big puffy, hooded sweatshirt.
  
• She had an enormous camera around her neck. Twice the size of her (and this was not a slender woman). This is the kind of camera that professional photographers use. Not housewives from Ohio.
• Hanging off of the strap for the camera was a charm. A Micky Mouse charm...
• She had a perm. A huge one. We're talking Linda Hamilton circa original Terminator perm.
• She also had a huge backpack on. Which she was swinging all over the place willy-nilly. Especially when she was trying to look at the metro map.
• She had her little daughter with her. The only thing I recall from her was her sweatshirt. It said Midwestern Dance Academy (which confirmed my suspicions). This girl was 10. Maybe 12. She was not a little girl, to put it delicately.* There was no way she was going to become a dancer. Why do parents force these things down kids throats? Eh, topic for another day I suppose....
  

*Yeah, I'm an asshole. Fine.

They're Baaaaaack...

The Great and Wise WikiKarmel is not a misanthrope. Ok, well maybe just a little. I hate people. Now, my loyal readers, this of course does not include you. You are all persons to me. Even if I don't know one of my loyal readers personally, we share some sort of kindred spirit. Hence, person.

People, on the other hand, suck. They are rude, ignorant, and not self-aware. When they travel to foreign places (you can see where I'm going with this..), they do not even make an attempt to follow the rules and customs of the natives. Are they rude? Do they say to themselves, "Fuck the natives. I'll do what I want." Are they ignorant? Do they make an attempt at all to learn the customs of another area or are they just in their own world where everything is peachy kean? Are they just not aware of the fact that things are done differently in different places? WHEN IN ROME, PEOPLE!!!!!


It's Cherry Blossom season in DC. Which means it's the start of the tourist season in DC. I hate tourists. They come into your city and fuck everything up for the people who live there. For some reason, they all have to use mass transit during rush hour. There are many hours between rush hours- why do you have to go from place to place then? The most crowded time of the day. You are on vacation. You can be flexible. I have just worked 8/10/12 hours and I'm irritable. I want to go home and eat dinner or have a beer with my friends. You are a jackass who has to ask everyone on the metro to move aside so you can see the map of the system (it's not that hard people. Look online before you go out).

You stand on the left side of the escalator. You stop suddenly in the middle of the sidewalk when there are people right behind you. What are you doing? Looking at a tall building? Are you kidding me? It's a building. Not that interesting. If you really feel the need to take a picture of it (not that you can't probably find dozens of pictures on flickr), look around before you stop. Move over to the edge of the sidewalk. And don't take pictures with people in them so everyone has to walk around you: that just pisses us natives off even more.

And it's just starting. It'll go straight through until December. Once winter break is over, we will have 3 solid months of cold, windy, dark days to enjoy before you jackasses come back. That is all..

Great News!

Via DCist.

Smoking ban in Virginia soon. It'll make the entire Metro area smoke free. Perhaps the geeks should move out to Virginia one week....

Buffalo Bills, Howard University, and Eritrean Food

Notice anything interesting about this mural, my loyal readers? It's a DC Ward 1 (the Official Homeward of the Wiki Karmel (is that two words, USOWK?)) mural. Let's go through the features:

• DC skyline. Check.
• Cluck U Chicken reference. Check.
• Elephants and Donkeys. Check.
• Buffalo Bills logo. What?

The image on the left is the Buffalo Bills logo, the Official NFL football team of the Wiki Karmel. It's also the team logo of the Howard University Bison.

Howard University is where I discovered Five Guys*. I guess it's becoming something of a national sensation these days. But back in the day** a gaggle of geeks I rolls with used to go to the Five Guys near the Howard University Hospital. That is until they closed it. Leaving us very hungry one night. And forcing us to scour the area for a meal that five people would all agree to. In the end, we chose Eritrean. Very tasty. Good choice.

*I think it's horrible now. The first time I went, I told them to "go nuts"*** with barbecue sauce and jalapenos. And they did. But every time I go there now, they never "go nuts". It saddens me.**** Also, I get indigestion every time I eat it.

**I actually hate the expression "back in the day".*****

***Recently I was at the new Shawarma place in Adams Morgan and I told the woman behind the counter to "go nuts" with the hot sauce. She did. I cried. But it was still tasty.

****Speaking of being saddened by early toppings overload, the Great Wiki Karmel used to live on the Upper East Side (for a month) with FGS (Fort Worth, TX) and Mers-Nads. We went one time to a Coldstone Creamery. Twas my first time. And the dude behind the counter obviously didn't care about his job because he gave me something like 8 Reese's Cups. It was toppings overload (and awesome). Everytime I went back, I got a "normal" employee who gave me one or 2 Cups. So sad. Now I don't eat Coldstone. But perhaps that's because I'm lactarded ...

*****Back in the day, I used to say "back in the day" all the time. Now I don't.

Fact. Bears eat beets.

Question: What is the only state capital named after a Vice President.

Answer: False. Black bears.

But seriously. The BOTU posed this question to me earlier today (it was a Jeopardy final question).

My first thought was Jackson(1), MS (which coincidentally was the BOTU's first thought as well).

Then I thought Montgomery(2), AL.

Consulting Wikipedia, I came across a third option: Madison(3), WI. Was he a Veep too?

Turns out both of us were wrong (the answer later).

Jackson gave us the great Fred Smoot, of dubious fame(NSFW). The first successful (?) lung transplant occurred at the University of Mississippi Medical Center. And the USA International Ballet Competition is located at the Thalia Mara Hall. Weird.

Montgomery is home to the Alabama Shakespeare Festival (too easy...(4)) and the Montgomery Biscuits. Really? The Biscuits (5)? Also, Zelda(6) (no, not that Zelda(7)) Fitzgerald(8) is from there.

Madison is home of The University of Wisconsin-Madison. The Great Wiki Karmel has never been, but apparently the Halloween Party is out of this world. The band Garbage is from Madison. I'm a fan(9). It's also a sister city to Vilnius, Lithuania, which is currently the European Capital of Culture.

So....All of those are wrong. The answer is..... (djembe roll......)

Jefferson City, MO. Raise your hand if you got that.

Of course, out of my loyal readers, only FGS (Fort Worth, TX) has his hand in the air.

(1) 7th President
(2) Continental Army General during American Revolution
(3) 4th President
(4) Haha. People from Alabama can't read! (10)
(5) Actually, the name Biscuits came from a fan contest. The owner (who must be related to Andrew Elliott, Esquire) is quite the fan of puns. "Hey, Butter, Butter, Butter" or the team's souvenir store, the "Biscuit Basket". They actually shoot biscuits at fans during games instead of t shirts.
(6) The creator of Zelda actually did name his damsel in distress after Z Fitz.
(7) A damn fine game, however. It gets two thumbs up from the Great Wiki Karmel.
(8) Thoughts on Gatsby, my loyal readers? I'm very meh.
(9) Though only of the self titled album. I didn't like 2.0.
(10)It is the official policy of the Wiki Karmel (the blog, not the person), to not mock any loyal readers. If I have offended anyone, I apologize.

Shark Attack!

As I've briefly touched on before, the Great Wiki Karmel does not like sharks. I saw Jaws* when I was five...I've been terrified ever since. I mean, seriously, these things are killing machines. Machines! Why would anyone ever mess with one. Now I know what you are thinking, my loyal readers: the chances of getting attacked are ridiculously small. You might even point out that in 1996, there were 18 shark injuries/deaths and 43,687 injuries from toilets. But I'm not taking a chance. I'm not even going in ankle deep. And no, Always Y, this isn't a "fear" of sharks. This is respect. Respect for my life!

*As much as I hate sharks (and Jaws), John Williams is the man!

hmm...

hello loyal readers. i would like to say that i'm back. but as you can see from the previous post (dated june 12th, 2007*), i'm not a man of my word when it comes to blogging. do not fret though, my loyal readers, as the great wiki karmel will try to keep it going.

*because i know you were all wondering**, it's been 602 days. which is 86 weeks exactly. or 1.65 years.

**actually, none my loyal readers were wondering for two reasons:

1. my loyal readers have all been counting the days, longing for more wisdom to be dispensed from their great sage. it's been a long wait. i am sorry.
2. seeing the date above, the few loyal readers who haven't been counting (shame on you), quickly did the math in their head. as i did...

A Wiki Vacation and Some Bad News

Heeeeeelllllloooooo my loyal readers*. Sorry for the long absence- I know everyone was very sad without the Great Wiki Karmel in their lives. I was on a Wiki Vacation. OK. So I just wish I was going to that.

Do not fret, my loyal readers, because I have 50 million topics to write about in the coming days. I have been saving them on my google feed reader.

The bad news: I did not get picked in the lottery for the NYC Marathon for the second year in a row. This year, however, I will be running in another marathon on the same day: The City of Oaks Marathon in Raleigh, NC. Why NC? Well, my loyal readers, stay tuned. I have a lot to talk about....

*Reference to the talking belly button episode in Seinfeld.

They're Wonder-ful!

Oh, the Great Wiki Karmel enjoys a bad pun! As does loyal reader Andrew Elliott, (soon to be) esq.

I may have emailed various loyal readers about this a few months ago (I know I sent it to my coworker, the 1-2-3*), but I certainly have some new loyal readers (everyday I get more), and they should vote too.

As you can see, a Swiss company is organizing a new Seven Wonders of the World. There are many worthy candidates for such a great honor. As a young lad (and as recently as about a year ago- I'm not ashamed to admit I love video games, as FGS (Fort Worth, TX) is), I played the computer game, Civilization (I own all four of them). The point of the game is that you start out as a fledgling tribe and found cities, discover technology, engage is diplomacy with neighbors, and among other things, build wonders of the world over the course of 6000 years. So, from this game, I am familiar with a number of great works of humanity (ie, the Pyramids of Giza, Colosus of Rhodes, Hanging Gardens of Babylon, etc.).

So I'm sure my loyal readers are wondering what the Great Wiki Karmel chose. I am ashamed to admit that I did not do the proper research on my choices. I read up on a few candidates, and then chose seven based on preconceived notions. As new loyal reader J (of PB and J fame) pointed out, it would be irresponsible to vote without doing the proper due diligence. So do not fret, my loyal readers: I will vote again. Soon.

In the mean time, these were my choices:

The Great Wall of China
Ankgor Wat
Chichen Itza
Easter Island Moais
Stonehenge
Petra
Taj Mahal

*The 1-2-3 is my coworker with 2 kids that each speak 3 languages fluently (English, Polish, and Chinese).

Mernel

I’m speechless (well, not really- could the Great Wiki Karmel ever be speechless? Scientists universally concur: no).

As a young lad, the Great Wiki Karmel played sports with all of the kids in the neighborhood. Living just down the street, there were (in order closest to my house): Sujan, Geoff, Mike, Brad, Todd, and brothers Nick* and Jon. That was the core group that played, soccer, football, hockey, four square, “Night Games” (capture the flag, manhunt), made up athletic games (ie. full contact street tennis with a dodgeball type ball), etc. Typically, Jon, or Mernel (I’m not sure where the nickname came from), was the first or second picked, depending on the sport (unfortunately, the neighborhood kids did not recognize the awesomeness of the Great Wiki Karmel, and tended to pick me last…), even though he was two years younger than Nick, Sujan, and myself. So even at an early age (10 ish), Mernel was quite an athlete.

As many of my loyal readers know, I grew up in the same town that the Buffalo Bills stadium is in. Many Bills lived in our neighborhood: Shane Conlan, Daryll Talley, JD Williams, Chris Spielman***, Antoine Winfield**** (and his pink Escalade*****). Jim Kelly lived in the next neighborhood over. Anyway…it appears that while all of those Bills lived in our neighborhood, Mernel has a chance to be the first Bill to be from our neighborhood. As an undrafted rookie, Jon is practicing with the Bills. Though he may be a long shot to make the team, he will be a professional football player (he has an offer from the Calgary Stampeders of the CFL). **

*Nick, and I believe Brad (though I'm not positive), live in New York. Nick is also a member of the NYCBBB (actually, I'm not sure- I'll assume) and I've seen him a few times at McFadden's on 42nd street. During the season, you can watch all the Bills games there.

**Editor's note: Jon signed with the Bills. Here is his player profile.

***Editor's note: Orginally said Bryce Paup. Corrected by loyal reader Pa.

****Editor's note: Originally said Nate Clemens. Corrected by loyal reader Pa.