Mernel

I’m speechless (well, not really- could the Great Wiki Karmel ever be speechless? Scientists universally concur: no).

As a young lad, the Great Wiki Karmel played sports with all of the kids in the neighborhood. Living just down the street, there were (in order closest to my house): Sujan, Geoff, Mike, Brad, Todd, and brothers Nick* and Jon. That was the core group that played, soccer, football, hockey, four square, “Night Games” (capture the flag, manhunt), made up athletic games (ie. full contact street tennis with a dodgeball type ball), etc. Typically, Jon, or Mernel (I’m not sure where the nickname came from), was the first or second picked, depending on the sport (unfortunately, the neighborhood kids did not recognize the awesomeness of the Great Wiki Karmel, and tended to pick me last…), even though he was two years younger than Nick, Sujan, and myself. So even at an early age (10 ish), Mernel was quite an athlete.

As many of my loyal readers know, I grew up in the same town that the Buffalo Bills stadium is in. Many Bills lived in our neighborhood: Shane Conlan, Daryll Talley, JD Williams, Chris Spielman***, Antoine Winfield**** (and his pink Escalade*****). Jim Kelly lived in the next neighborhood over. Anyway…it appears that while all of those Bills lived in our neighborhood, Mernel has a chance to be the first Bill to be from our neighborhood. As an undrafted rookie, Jon is practicing with the Bills. Though he may be a long shot to make the team, he will be a professional football player (he has an offer from the Calgary Stampeders of the CFL). **

*Nick, and I believe Brad (though I'm not positive), live in New York. Nick is also a member of the NYCBBB (actually, I'm not sure- I'll assume) and I've seen him a few times at McFadden's on 42nd street. During the season, you can watch all the Bills games there.

**Editor's note: Jon signed with the Bills. Here is his player profile.

***Editor's note: Orginally said Bryce Paup. Corrected by loyal reader Pa.

****Editor's note: Originally said Nate Clemens. Corrected by loyal reader Pa.

A rare treat for my loyal readers: A Weekend Post

People should listen to me more often. Roy Halladay, the star pitcher of the Toronto Blue Jays, will miss the next few weeks because of an appendectomy. This is just further proof that the Great Wiki Karmel is the smartest person alive!

Just a reminder to all of my loyal readers: Toronto is in Canada, the greatest country ever! The one knock on Canada though: even though they love hockey, it isn't the national sport. And one more thing: what's with the colons? I should ask the USOWK if I am using them correctly....

Buffalo 51

One of the newest Buffalo Bills, Paul Posluszny, will be wearing a different jersey number than in college. As many of my loyal readers know, the Great Wiki Karmel's favorite number is 17 (some might say I'm obsessed with the number). (I am). Will Posluszny be wearing 17? No. But as you can guess from the title (like I've said, my loyal readers are more observant than most), his number will be 51. 17X3.

Posluszny went to Penn State. As did the official dad of Wiki Karmel (for grad school). Penn State is thus my official college football team (I'm not that into college football though). Penn State has been called "Linebacker U" and head coach Joe Paterno even tried to recruit some kid from Western Pennsylvania to play linebacker there. He probably made a good choice spurning Joe Pa'. Anyway...

Shane Conlan was a great Penn State linebacker. He was also a great Buffalo Bills linebacker (and my former neighbor in good ol' Orchard Park). Posluszny has been compared to him throughout his career so him being drafted by the Bills is quite the coincidence. Many assumed that he would choose the number 58 (as Conlan wore) but he instead went with 51. I'm assuming I had a little something to do with it. Once word of my greatness spread to Paul, he probably picked it out of respect for me. Good choice, Paul. Good choice.

Another great sportsman in Buffalo, Brian Campbell of the Buffalo Sabres, wears number 51. Brian is involved with a great charity. I will be purchasing the t-shirt shortly.

The "I Wish I Was an Engineer" Guy

Well, my loyal readers, the truth is, I didn't try very hard. The Great Wiki Karmel knows there is a way to put Youtube clips on blogs, but I watched the Sabres game (we won 4-2), and now I'm tired. Sorry.

The guy who invented the beer throwing fridge was on Letterman. That's all I wanted to say. Good night, my loyal readers, good night (and I say good night because I know my loyal readers are so loyal that they check Wiki Karmel every night before they go to sleep).

Vanilla Ice Hockey

The Great Wiki Karmel is usually quite a humble person. But I feel like, just this once, I need to make an exception and brag a little. I won my fantasy hockey league!

Vanilla Ice Hockey was a fantastic team, and I want to go through and give recognition to all the hard work the team members did throughout the year.

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The star of my team was, of course, Sidney Crosby. It is quite refreshing to have a superstar actually preform like he was supposed to. Sidney was rated #5 to start the season. I picked him in the 7th spot in the draft and he finished #1 overall. He is the youngest player to league the league in points- he's just 19! Congrats Sidney.

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Vanilla Ice Hockey was quite top heavy at the Center position. In addition to Sidney, there was Jason Spezza, Marc Savard, and Chris Drury (a Buffalo Sabre). Spezza was rated 10 in the preseason. He finished rated 17, which isn't bad. But he missed some games (I want to say 20 or so). When he was in there, he rated 6th overall (in average production per game). Savard was 49th in the preseason and ended 14th. Savard was near the top of the league in assists. And Drury was rated 116th and finished 89th. He scored 37 goals playing against the other teams top lines. Solid Chris, solid indeed. Crosby, Savard and Spezza were the #1, #7, and #8 centers overall.

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Left Wing was where Vanilla Ice Hockey won the league. Thomas Vanek (the Great Wiki Karmel's favorite Buffalo Sabre), was rated in the preseason 74th. He finished 9th. Vanek led the league in +/- and was the first Sabre in a few years to score 40 goals (he had 43). Evgeni Malkin (the greatest Jewish Athlete today) was rated 90th. He finished 15th overall and will win the Rookie of the Year award. And Daniel Sedin, playing on a line with his twin brother Henrik, finished 21st overall. He was rated 77th in the preseason. These three players were the #2, #3, and #4 left wingers overall.

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Right Wing was another power position for the Great Wiki Karmel. Jerome Iginla, a former 50 goal scorer, was rated 24th and finished 18th. Martin St. Louis, a former Hart Trophy winner, was 79th and finished 22nd. He scored 43 goals. I did not draft St. Louis- he was a free agent pick up. They were the #6 and #7 right wingers overall.

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The defense was decent for Vanilla Ice Hockey. Sheldon Souray, another free agent pickup, led the way. He was rated 30th. He was one of the top defensemen on the power play. Dion Phaneuf, while somewhat of a disappointment, finished 50th (he was rated 31st preseason). Phaneuf is a hard hitting up-and-coming star. They rated #3 and #7 among defensemen. Buffalo Sabre Brian Campbell (of RJ Umberger fame) and Sami Salo were the other two defensemen- both rated in the high 100's.

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The goaltending for Vanilla Ice Hockey was solid (though the skaters were my strength). Ray Emery finished 8th among goaltenders, Thomas Vokoun 12th, and Marc-Andre Fluery 14th. Fluery was maddeningly inconsistent all season. For a stretch he would be unbeatable and give me a lot of shutouts. Then he would be benched due to poor play. Oh Marc-Andre! (By the way, Fluery, in my humble opinion, has the best looking pads of any goalie in the league- bright yellow). Vokoun was injured for much of the season but was stellar when he was there, finishing in the top five in goals against average and save percentage.

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There were 8 teams in the league. I drafted/picked up 9 of the top 27 skaters. While the goaltending situation let me down often, my skaters dominated the league. Good job guys.

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The Great Wiki Karmel, my loyal readers, will now go back to being your humble servant.

BUFF-A-LO!

The Great Wiki Karmel, as many of my loyal readers know, grew up in Buffalo, and thus is a proud Sabres and Bills fan. The official family of the Wiki Karmel had season tickets to both teams for various periods of time. Unfortunately, the Bills have fallen on hard times in recent years, but, as with all New York City Buffalo Bills Backers (NYCBBB), I have faith. Despite my faith, however, ESPN decided that the Buffalo Bills fans are the most tortured fans in all of (American) sports. We have Wide Right and Music City Miracle... so sad.

The good news is that ESPN also decided that the "Buffalo Sabres rank No. 1 among 122 pro sports teams based on what they give back to fans who invest their time and money in the organization. " GO SABRES! Makes me proud to be a Buffalonian.

Indeed the fountain of youth

As my loyal readers know, the official son of Wiki Karmel, Isaac (currently unborn and unconceived), will be the center fielder for the New York Yankees one day. And Sol the Sweetness will be, well, Sweet. Certainly at Isaac's birth (and I will pressure FGS (Fort Worth, TX) to do the same for little Sol), this procedure will take place.

Apparently scientists think they are onto something here. Storing umbilical cord stem cells for future use in rebuilding damaged tissue could be the wave of the future. The article is suggesting elite athletes may start doing this for themselves with their children's' stem cells. However, if you happen to know, as the Great Wiki Karmel does, that your child will be an elite athlete, it only makes sense that the child would want to use their own stem cells one day.

My loyal readers need to see this

I don't have too much to say on this topic. As many of my loyal readers know, the Great Wiki Karmel is a huge hockey fan. In my opinion, fighting is a part of the game, just not my favorite part. I favor a more fluid style of play with more pretty passing and cycling of the puck. That being said, this is just awesome. Be sure to click on all the links to see all of the fights. The best one is the two goalies squaring off.

And just because.

(Editor's note: To all of my loyal readers who think that last link was tasteless, I counter thee.
1. It was a clean open ice hit (by a player, Brian Campbell, who is not known for being physical).
2. Umberger had his head down in the middle of the ice- a big no-no.
3. While I believe he was concussed, and the Great Wiki Karmel never endorses injury, Umberger came back by the end of the series and had no permanent damage.
4. It was playoff hockey.
5. the Sabres won the game and the series.
6. It's my blog- so there)

I knew it!

James Dolan, owner of the Knickerbockers, has been killing* millions of fans with his mishandling of the team. Now, he's literally killing them! This only proves what the Great Wiki Karmel has previously suspected.

(Editor's note: I don't actually think the James Dolan is a murderer. In my humble opinion, this is a coincidence. He just happens to be killing millions of fans' souls. In no way do I believe he is literally killing fans and chopping them up.)

*This link requires a subscription to ESPN Insider. I would thoroughly recommend it to all my loyal readers. If not, read this to get an idea.

I could use a haircut

I wonder if LeBron James, or Bron Bron as he is affectionately known as at Wiki Karmel, will invite the Great Wiki Karmel to his new house once it is finished. The bedroom is going to be 40 feet by 56 feet, or over 2,200 square feet. Just his bedroom! He's going to have a two story walk in closet! The whole house is going to be over 30,000 square feet and feature a bowling alley, movie theater, casino, and barber shop. Damn.

The Great Wiki Karmel's man crush on Bron Bron has been well documented. Partly because he is so good at basketball and partly because I secretly hope he leaves the Cavs for the Knickerbockers. "Experts" have debated both sides of the issue. Stay tuned, my loyal readers.

Sol the Sweetness

This post goes out to Solomon S, unborn (and unconceived) child of loyal reader FGS (Fort Worth, TX). Though FGS (Fort Worth, TX) is Christian (specifically a Disciple of Christ (as is Andrew Elliott, (soon to be) Esq.)), his unborn (and unconceived) child will be Jewish (as is the Great Wiki Karmel). And part of being a member of the "tribe" means that you are predisposed to being unathletic. There are exceptions, notably:

Hall of Fame baseball players Hank Greenberg and Sandy Koufax. Current MLB players Ian Kinsler, Brad Ausmus, Shawn Green, Gabe Kapler, Kevin Youklis, and Jason Marquis among others. Also, Mose Solomon, aka The Rabbi of Swat, played two games in 1923.

In the NBA, Jordan Farmar (now my favorite baller) and Jon Scheyer at Duke. Great coaches Red Auerbach, Larry Brown, and Larry Frank (well, maybe he's not great...).

In the NFL, current Buffalo Bills General Manager Marv Levy, as well as Robby Gould, Jay Fiedler, and Sage Rosenfels.

And in the NHL, soon to be Rookie of the Year, Evgeni Malkin (quite frankly, I'm shocked. If I end up winning my fantasy hockey league (I'm in the finals this week- I'll keep you, my loyal readers, posted), it'll be in large part due to drafting Malkin). As is Commissioner Bettman

Anyway.... the purpose of this posting was originally to have an excuse to link this article. I've lost my train of thought and I have to get back to work (my lunch break is ending soon). But hopefully little unborn Sol can get inspiration from these great athletes and become the next Great Jewish Hope (though little Sol will have to compete with the Great Wiki Karmel's unborn (and unconceived) son, Isaac, who will one day be patrolling center field for the Yankees).

They Should Listen to Wiki Karmel

The Great Wiki Karmel has been arguing for quite some time with his acquaintances about mandatory appendectomies for all professional athletes. The appendix is a vestigial structure. It is completely useless. So there is no reason to have it. For most people, though, there is no reason not to have it. And since there is invasive surgery involved in an appendectomy, it really doesn't make sense. Unless you are a professional athlete. There is so much (money, fan emotion, stirring of local economy if a team makes the playoffs) riding on the performance of athletes that an appendectomy to the wrong person at the wrong time can be devastating.

What is bringing this up now? Andrea Bargnani, while not the best player on the Toronto Raptors, is a key component to the team's playoff chances. And now that he will miss time (perhaps the playoffs completely), the Raptors will suffer. Toronto will suffer. Canada will suffer. All of this could have been avoided.

The same thing happened a few months ago to Ben Roethlisberger.

Get it together sports franchises! Mandate this. Put it into contracts.